I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
