If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
