I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
