I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
