you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize