Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
