I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
