this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
