im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
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the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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