I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
