I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
