my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Found your dick twin last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
