I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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