You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
