Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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