if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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