I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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