My cat gives me a boner
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
