she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
