know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
