I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
