Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
