C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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