you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
