Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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