Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
