all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
