You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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