i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize