I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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