So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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