so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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