it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
