hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
