so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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