well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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