as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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