She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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