yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
