My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
