Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
