I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
