i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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