Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
