I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you win again, gameday.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
