Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
