she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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