Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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