Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I want is dick and wine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
