so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
