You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
