if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't think brook has ever known best
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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