rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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