You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
