Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
