im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
