i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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