my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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