What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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