it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
