Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
