please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
