Apparently you make a good broom.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
