fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
