The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize