K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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