gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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