they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
