he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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