you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
