If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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