Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize