I will die if light touches me.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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