We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
