No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
